I got served today. I know what that means now. I got served today with papers by the sheriff for the big D. Like the song says, "I'm going through the Big D, and don't mean Dallas."
Advice wanted.
Never thought it would happen. It's my religion that bothers me the most about it - our marriage had been dead for a number of years now - I had just been going through the motions - existing, ya know?
I didn't beat her, cheat her, or was mean to her - it was more like living with my sister. Working different shifts, losing our son, and then being sent away to Afghanistan for a year recently didn't help. Total deployment and being away from her was about 15 months, but still...
I may be going to Iraq in August/September. I might volunteer if they don't need me for this mission - it may be too soon after returning from Afghanistan. That was a special mission - the unit I am actually assigned to is going now. Nothing for me here, so who knows?
Anyway, I'd like to think I am a rare breed - it just didn't work out and I wish her well. I hope to remain friends with her someday.
Advice wanted. I haven't retained the services of a lawyer yet. Think I should?
Advice wanted. (Did I mention that?)
I guess I shall also be 'on the market' again soon - after 8 years or so of not being 'available'.
Scary, huh?
Any takers can inquire within. There may be a line. Just kidding!
Advice wanted ...
But most of all, friends are wanted - now, more than ever...
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6 comments:
If you trust your soon to be ex wife then it would be fine to share an attorney, if not, then hire your own.
See who ever engages the attorney is the person who the attorney works for, so if your ex hired the person then the person works for her and will be looking out for HER best interests, not yours.
My ex husband and I shared my attorney because he knew that I would be fair, and we both sat down and decided how we would divide everything up, who would assume the credit card debt, (me, ding dong that I am) how much equity he would get from the house since I wanted to keep it, (minus his part of the credit card debt, not so much of a ding dong I guess) etc...then we both paid half for the divorce, and it worked out fine.
I would advice you not to get serious with anyone for at least a year after your divorce, as you will be extremely vulnerable.
Also, I would advice you to sit down with a piece of paper and pen, draw a line down the center of the paper and on the left side write down everything you DON'T want in a mate, then on the right side write down the exact opposite of what you don't want, when you are finished, rip the left side off of the paper, trash it and focus on the things you DO want in a mate.
Also talk to your parish priest, or a sister about your divorce, our church is much more understanding about divorce now, and there are many reasons that the church holds as valid for divorce, even marrying too young...As for an annulment, I believe they cost about five hundred bucks, but you don't need to worry about that until you want to re marry again.
Thankfully WE can still take communion even though we are divorced, the church just doesn't recognize a legal divorce until you have an annulment though, in her eyes we are still married. When my ex and I moved back in together I stopped receiving communion, my priest asked me why I wasn't going to communion any more...I started bawling and spilled my guts, he said, "Lori you ding dong, you can still take communion, as far as the church is concerned you're still married to him anyway."
Hugs to you and if you need to vent, or anything just instant message me hon. I know what a rough ride divorce is, especially when it goes against everything you believe in, yes, I know.
I also know that you will begin to feel some elation and hope, hope for a new and better future, one with a loving partner. I'm not saying your wife isn't loving, but you know what I mean, right?
Peace, Lori
Can't think of much beyond Lori's insight.
Some of the mistakes we've made, we made in immaturity, and we made with the best of intentions, which is why Christianity is realistic about forgiveness.
I do not regret holding out for what I needed in a life long relationship. I'm most assuredly certain I'd be divorced if I went with my first choice. I'd be a shell of myself if I'd gone with my second.
I don't know what to tell you about going to Iraq. I really hope you don't. It may seem like an honorable way to get away from all this, or a way to make amends with your guilt, but you'll need every available wit for another deployment, and you've been bogged down with so many hard things already, I really worry. I feel so grateful you came home from Afghanistan. Consider that decision carefully! And head over this way if you get down.
Stay away from ho's.
I can't stress that last line enough!
How's it going?
Send me an email.
Coming up on our one year anniversary. Well, of meeting in person. We need to think of something to commemorate.
Write me, please.
We missed our anniversary.
Call when you get the chance.
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