Lightning strikes twice ...

She saved me again tonight.

This time, she knows it.

She didn't know before, when she saved me from harming myself.

I will name her.

Out her, if you will.

Becky. Rebecca.

I know what I must do.

What will I do?

My religion forbids it.

OUR religion forbids it.

My family will hate me.

Her family will hate me.

SHE will hate me.

I must do it.

Seven long years of knowing what a mistake it was.

I don't hate her.

Don't dislike her.

Never hit her - never was truly mean to her.

We just aren't right for each other.

I wish her well.

I love her but can never be *in* love with her.

I do love her because of what we've been through.

So much together....

Nothing personal.

I just can't live this way anymore.

Thanks, Rebecca.

You've shown me what I must do.

For my sanity - and what's left of it.

For my survival.

The truth is out there.

I want to believe.

I love you so much for saving my life tonight.

As much as friends can love each other.

I hope to be friends for a long time.

I hate the fleeting friendships of this world.

But thanks to you, I remain in this world.

I hope to be friends for more than a long time.

30 years? More? No matter how long or how far.

We *will* be friends.

What would I do without you?

Not much.

Just die.


P.S. I wrote this @ about 0300 this morning ... feeling no physical pain ... after a night of darts, Captain Morgan, Guinness, and a drunken foray with Becky into Wal Mart ... what a strange night it was ... but fun.