Maybe you saved my life tonight
With your smile and your jokes.
Will you ever know?
You won’t always be there for me,
Nor could I ever expect you to be.
All the cliches run through my head
Lines from old songs* permeate my thoughts.
I was born for dying,
Maybe that’s the only thing I live for.
Pathetic, I am, but I can help it not.
No one cares for me,
Can you prove me wrong?
I can never have you.
Not that you’d want me.
Ever see Scarlet Street?
Sometimes I want you so bad it hurts.
You’ve awakened parts of me long dead, forgotten, and buried.
I can never have you.
I am happy to have whatever you give me of yourself.
I truly care for you, even if platonic we have to remain.
Not that you’d want me.
Not for more than friends.
And that’s perfectly OK.
I enjoy seeing your ‘perfection’.
Thanks for being my friend.
I hope we’re friends for a long time.
I cherish every minute you give me.
Black pants or not.
(I enjoy seeing your perfection, no matter what you’re wearing).
But even if you had no physical beauty,
Your mind is a strong enough drug for me.
The moments we are together are special.
At least to me.
You give so much to other people.
I am happy for what you give to me.
Even if it’s only friendship.
Friendship is good.
Friendship is so fleeting in this world.
I am tired of that.
I can only have torment and death.
I await the sting and victory of death.
I make my own hell.
I made my own hell.
I live for dying.
But tonight you made me live.
Will you ever know?
You won’t read this.
You never login.
*(In My Darkest Hour, Misery Loves Company, Fade To Black, Suicide Solution, and other such apropos dark metal songs)
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2 comments:
People who like metal are geniuses. I just heard that today.
Am I going to have to go over to MySpace and figure out who wears black pants?
Yeah, Ange, I KNEW I was a genius in the W. Axl Rose/Ozzy Ozbourne mold :)
Axl Rose (Indiana boy that he is) is an anagram for oral sex ...
ANYWAY, I came home late after an evening of drinking with this girl (I see her many times a day @ work for smoke breaks), and wrote this - and published it (obviously) DRUNK.
I have agonized over taking it down - and maybe I do NOT want her to see it.
You know my situation. This girl is also, shall we say, 'attached' and also a bit younger than me.
The black pants thing is kind of a joke between me and her as she knows how her 'juicy ass' (to steal a phrase from you) turns me (and every other man at work) on ... Her black pants really highlight it, shall we say ... and she knows what that does to me ... (and everyone else, like I said) ...
Yeah, she's one of my top friends on MySpace ....
She has quickly become one of my best friends - and she knows how I feel about her - but her 'attached' situation finds her mostly happy, so it's more like a friendly torture kinda thing between us: She knows how badly I want her, she knows it will more than likely never happen, she enjoys politely teasing me and getting me worked up @ the veteran's club we hang out @ (I am a member, she is commander of the auxiliary ...) ... and the other service organization she works for handles my VA claims ...
It's just I've hit that frustrating crossroads and can't really do much except tear myself up inside - and that night she really did save me. I guess I am truly jacked in the head ... and not just from the war ...
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