My last blog ...

No, the title isn't implying that this will be my last blog... (well, since we know not the time nor the hour of our own earthly demise, ya never know) ... it's saying that herein I shall briefly try and explain the last one I posted prior to this one.

It wasn't an attempt at poetry or being cute.

I was drunk after a night out of drinking with the friend of mine that the 'blog' was written about. (Dare I say she's one of my newest yet dearest friends in this lonely world?) She really did save me from hurting myself or others that night. I am not a violent person. Never have been. Since Afghanistan, it seems like a different story.

I opened up my brain and these words came boiling out.

Right or wrong or wasted (take that word either way), there they are.

She knows much of how I feel about her. In that respect, it's no great secret. She teases me about it (good-naturedly, but also to make sure I know that she knows ...)

If you haven't seen the movie Scarlet Street, that explains a lot (although we haven't and definitely won't progress into *that* ridiculous situation or probably any other beyond great friendship...)

I have a lot of 'friends' here on MySpace - but a lot of the time I truly am lonely ... she saves me from that when we are together (which is often throughout the week - at work and some nights after work ...)

I agonize over erasing it - I want her to see it, but then again, I really don't. I don't want to lose her friendship over some stuff I wrote.

I wrote it, and for the time being, there it remains.

I want us to remain friends.

F R I E N D S.

Honestly, in my mental state, I don't think I could handle anything else.

Sometimes fantasies are nice.

But not as nice as *real* friends ...



P.S. Ange, my answer to you is in the comments of the blog in question ....